If there was one single thing that I was truly afraid of in life, it was public speaking. I avoided it at all costs. The few times I had to do it, it was like being on a roller coaster ride. There was a lot of anxiety leading up to that day. Then, right before it was my turn to speak, I could feel my heart racing 1000 beats a second. It took a lot of energy to suppress the fear. For me, suppressing it meant that I would appear as if I had it all together. News flash, I DID NOT have it together at all.
If there was one single thing that I was truly afraid of in life, it was public speaking. I avoided it at all costs. The few times I had to do it, it was like being on a roller coaster ride. There was a lot of anxiety leading up to that day. Then, right before it was my turn to speak, I could feel my heart racing 1000 beats a second. It took a lot of energy to suppress the fear. For me, suppressing it meant that I would appear as if I had it all together. News flash, I DID NOT have it together at all.
Over the years I learned that my fear was much bigger than me. This was the type of fear that ran warm through my veins. You see, my biological brother and sisters were crippled by the same fear. Many of my aunts, uncles and cousins....all chained by what I now call a generational curse. It's a stronghold that causes you and your family to stagger, to give up on dreams. The only way to stop it is to fight back with faith, mental strength, and physically actions.
Personally, I've always felt that God had more for me. At the same time, I've also felt that everyday I've missed a piece of my blessing because of fear. For 18 years my soul has been in conflict. Knowing that I must move in God's purpose for my life, but at the same time, I couldn't overcome the fear to move forward. I just dealt with it any way I could. As I grew stronger in Him I felt more and more like a disappoint to Him. I imagined God himself calling me by name, asking me to do something for him. I pause to look back at Him. I hesitate, but manage to find enough courage to open my mouth to say "No, I can't because I am just too scared to speak". Then, I turn and walk away. It was the worst feeling ever.
I will never forget the day I hit rock bottom on the struggle. That was the first time I opened up to anyone about the anxiety. The struggle, the pull, the conflict had gotten to be too much. I cried on two of my sisters' shoulders that day. They held me and tried their best to comfort me. That day, I made a decision to overcome and face what I had been so afraid of.
For weeks, I prayed about it. I was ready to fight. I was so ready, but I was missing one thing. I never physically got inside the boxing ring to fight fear. How could I win a fight if I never even stepped foot in the ring? Until all of me (mind, soul and body) was genuinely aligned, God heard me, but he couldn't move in my life. Positioning yourself physically so that God can move in your life is so important. God doesn't move for you until you are in complete alignment.
When the alignment came, I quickly found myself on the hook to speak to over 2000 people. As I prepared to face my biggest fear, I had two thoughts..... the first was, I can't speak. The response was, "The Lord said to him, 'Who gave man his mouth?' " Exodus 4:11.
My second thought was, when I get on the other side of this fear, nothing will be able to stop me from fulfilling my purpose. I started to look forward to getting this thing behind me. I quickly made it a point to open up to my children so that they could not only get the lessons and break the generational curse, but so they could help me overcome. They learned as I learned and understood by example every step of the way. I held nothing back from them. They became my biggest fans!
In August 2018, I stepped into the ring for the very first time. With my boxing gloves on, I successfully trained about 2000 people in 18 instructor-led classes over the course of 15 days. By the 3rd class, I received a standing applause when the class ended. Looking out over the faces in the crowd, it was at that moment when I realized that I had already possessed everything I needed inside of me to conquer anything, even fear. I realized that I was born, built and purposed for this. I thought, this is how I am supposed to inspire and connect with people.
This experience moved me a step closer to my purpose. Right now I am thousands of feet in the air on Delta flight 1158. I am absolutely thrilled to be sitting in seat 24E headed to Cleveland, Ohio to train 200 more. I know that I have absolutely nothing to fear at all. I am grateful. I am on the other side of fear.
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