Yesterday, I couldn't move. My body and my mind were both numb. I continue to see existing racism be unleashed in this country. Last evening, all I could think of were the last words coming out of one young man's mouth before his death, "I can't breathe." Being completely honest, I have a son who is soon to walk out into a world that I have mostly shielded him from. Yesterday, I wondered if I'd done the right thing by putting him in this bubble. I've slowly deflated the bubble with the truth of how things really are out there.
I started to wonder if all the conversations I'd had was for nothing. The overwhelm of seeing all of this happen in real-time had me wondering what would happen to my son. Would I ever wake up to a phone call that my son or daughter was murdered over something so senseless. Like the young man, I couldn't breathe even thinking about it.
This morning when I woke up, the promises of God fell all over me. HE said, this battle is not yours. You can't stay here. "Rise, take up thy bed and walk." (John 5:8).
I must continue. I have to rise. I need to continue to inspire my children and anyone else who will listen regardless of what this world tells me. So, today I ask you to start teaching your kids about who they are and their own power to be, to change, to evolve and to become. It is so important to let them know that this world does not dictate who they can or can not be. That power belongs to them, not to this world. If your children have not been exposed to their birthright, let them know that they are fearfully and wonderfully made. They can do all things with strength and in faith. They should mount up on wings like eagles and fly with renewed strength. At the earliest age, encourage your child to embrace faith and find your strength like never before.
Teaching your kids to know who they are starts the moment they are born. The first time you touched him, he knew he was special because someone was there. The love, care and patience shown help them feel secure. As infants, they can feel it. As soon as they start to speak, let your little ones know that their voices and opinions should be heard. Let them know that if you don't stand for something you will fall for anything. Keep in mind, who you are doesn't necessarily need to be a particular profession like a teacher or basketball player. Truly knowing who you are speaks to your character and how you react in certain situations. Martin Luther King, Jr once said, "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
Helping your kids understand who they are in this huge world is not a humongous task. Just start early and ask this questions, "Who are you now?", "Who are you becoming?" and "What would you stand up for?" Challenge them to believe in who they will become. Then, the most important thing you can do is listen and support them in this endeavor.
Knowing who you are, defines who you are not. And, knowing who you are NOT can also define who you are.
Tools & Tips
Age 0-4: Show up and love them as you would want to be loved. Take care of their needs and keep them safe.
Age 5-10: Every morning say this prayer with your children. My name is (Name). I am strong. I am smart. I am beautiful (or handsome). I can do all things. Lord help me to be the best I can be today. Amen. Say this prayer before they know what it even means. This gets it into their spirit, but boy when it clicks --it will be that much more powerful. Talk about what this means periodically so that the conversation can evolve into good discussion.
Age 7-12: Encourage your children to use their voices. Don't just shut them down all the time. Try to understand why and how they think. It's not wrong, it's just different. Give them a voice by allowing them to order their own food, ask for what they want, stand by as they confront peers who may have done them wrong, speak up for them where they can see and hear it first hand and have open conversations about it. Teach them what respect means and how to respect others. Teach them to look into the eyes of others when talking to them.
Age 13 - 18: As long as you both have the same goals, there are multiple ways to get there. Offer up opportunities for your children to think and do things differently. Have a conversation about trust and let them know that they have the ability to create a relationship with you built on trust or distrust. Keep it simple; Trust = Freedom; Distrust = Less Freedom. They also need to know how important communication is at this point. A simple call to let you know he or she will be 30 minutes late, helps alleviate worry, shows you respect and let's the parent know the child is safe, which can help both of you in the long run. Instead of making demands all the time, teach them what is expected and why it is so important to you. Give example of the down stream reactions to decisions that they make and how certain decisions can affect others. This helps them in the decision-making process to factor more perspectives than just their's alone. Demand to be respected, then teach them to demand the same of others.
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